valentine's

why is it that when a single woman is pushing 30, everyone around her is frantically pressuring her to settle down and get married?? i will turn 28 this year and i do not feel any compelling desire to settle down and be tied to one man for the rest of my life. not that i want to be alone but i just like the freedom that i'm enjoying for now. i don't want to be "owned" by anyone just yet.

however, though i always say i'm not in a rush to get married, i do admit i take pleasure in having a partner to share my life with. yep, there's someone special out there for me now. the operative words are "out there." he's so far away from me right now (as in the Middle East) that i sometimes don't really feel like i'm in a relationship. i guess you can call it a virtual relationship. it's like having a boyfriend in my mind. sometimes i wonder if i'm just imagining his existence even though i do talk to him on the phone. i do envision our future together but it still seems blurred to me. it was more concrete when he was just back home here with me. but then, people have to make sacrifices to make a living. i guess i can't complain about that specially when the sacrifice was made for me.

it's hard, putting your life on hold for one person when nothing is really certain. no matter how much i am constantly reassured, i still have my doubts. i don't know if it's a sign of immaturity or it's just how i'm made as a person. words are empty for me unless i see it become reality. no matter how many text messages and long reassurances i get over the phone, it doesn't compare to feeling and seeing the physical expression. the bond is just stronger that way.

call me lame, but i really just want my partner to be here WITH me. because there are times when you don't need to hear the words; when having him hold your hand or kiss your forehead is all that you need to keep you going.